These aren’t necessarily deep thoughts or pieces of sage advice; I just thought they were funny. Thanks to my good friend Bert Wakely for sending them to me. Was he trying to tell me something? I have added a few quotes as well.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? ' 'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife....'
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
My personal favorite: A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days long. ~Nikita Ivanovich Panin
Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. ~Jim Fiebig
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown
The wisest of all: How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were? ~Satchel Paige
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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